We are emotional creatures. It is hard for us, as humans, not to be emotional. Whilst it is generally good to be in touch with our emotions and to not suppress them, there are situations where we must somehow manage our emotions especially well. That’s notably the case at work.
· Have you cried in the work restroom or a meeting with your boss?
· How about awkwardly try to comfort a co-worker in tears?
· Or maybe you’ve been the culprit or victim of explosive, finger-wagging, temples-pulsing anger?
If you’re nodding “yes,” it’s not so surprising. Despite the corporate expectation to check your emotions at the door, tempers and tear ducts continue to swell in workplaces everywhere. We’re all human, after all.
Emotional outbursts at work could be due directly to work-related matters or to stressors from our personal life spilling into our work life. Handling our emotions (particularly negative ones) at work is often seen as a measure of our professionalism.
In the workplace, one good rule to follow is to treat your colleagues the same way you would like to be treated yourself. Below are some of the strategies we can use to cope with negative emotions:
1. Compartmentalization (when negative emotions from home affect your work)
· Try and leave personal matters and issues at home. When you commute to work, use that time to tell your mind to let go.
· You can also compartmentalise work-related stressors so that your emotions at work don’t spill over into your personal life too.
2. Deep breathing & relaxation techniques
· This will help with emotions like anxiety, worry, frustration and anger.
· Take deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly until you calm down. Slowly count to 10.
· You can take a walk to cool down, and listen to some relaxing music.
· Talk to someone who can help you calm down.
3. The 10-second rule
· This is especially helpful if you are feeling angry, frustrated or even irate.
· If you feel your temper rising, try and count to 10 to recompose yourself.
· If possible, excuse yourself from the situation to get some distance but do reassure the other party that you will come back to deal with the matter.
4. Clarify
· It is good to clarify before reacting, in the event that it could be a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication.
5. Blast your anger through exercise
· Instead of losing your cool, plan on hitting the treadmill or going to a kick-boxing class to let the anger out of your system.
· Exercise is also a good way to get a solid dose of mood-enhancing endorphins.
· In addition, exercise will help to release any physical tension in your body.
6. Never reply or make a decision when angry
· In this day of instant communication, it’s easy to just shoot off an email or text that you may regret later.
· Never let your anger or unhappiness cloud your judgement.
· Hold off all communication while you are still angry. You can type it first but save it as a draft and sleep on it for a day. Re-read it the next day or even let someone you trust take a look at it before you send it.
7. Know your triggers
· It helps when you are able to recognise what upsets or angers you.
· This way, you can prepare yourself to remain calm and plan your reaction should the situation occur.
· You may even be able to anticipate the other party’s reaction.
8. Be respectful
· Treat your colleagues the same way you would like to be treated yourself.
· If the person is rude, there’s no need to reciprocate. We can stay gracious and just be firm and assertive without being aggressive. Often, rude people will mellow down if they don’t get a reaction from you and realise that they are the only one shouting in the room.
9. Apologise for any emotional outburst
· Sometimes our emotions do get the better of us.
· If you do have an emotional outburst, apologise immediately to the person and perhaps to those around you who have heard it.
· You need not explain yourself or be defensive. Just a simple “I am sorry. I reacted badly” would make a big difference.
10. Never bring your negative emotions home
· It is good practice to let go of any anger, frustration and unhappiness at the end of every workday.
· Harbouring negative emotions allows them to fester like mould, bringing you to a breaking point. So it’s best to empty the emotional “trash can” on a daily basis, to prevent overwhelm.
· You can use the compartmentalization method mentioned above, or you can plan to engage in enjoyable activities after work with your friends and family.
Ways to Manage Emotional Employees
Leaders often think that emotional issues are unworthy of their time and attention, but the costs of not dealing with these problems can be far greater. Employees focus less on their work and more on their problems. You lose precious work time and productivity when you don't help them and nip the issue in the bud.
The extra moments you spend paying attention to emotions in the workplace, considering the emotional costs and benefits of the decisions you make, listening to your employees, helping them resolve whatever issue they are dealing with, and dissipating or absorbing the emotions they experience can help reduce the number of emotional issues in the workplace and help get employees back to being happier and productive sooner. Here are some tips:
1. Empathize with those who are hurt.
It's all too common in the workplace to show indifference and impatience to employees who are in distress. Leaders may belittle or make light of the employee's issue or tell them to "deal with it" on their own. None of these are caring responses to an employee in need and just hurt the employee even more.
Instead, view moments of emotion as opportunities to listen, empathize with, and show compassion to a hurting employee. It doesn't have to be a long conversation; sometimes a few minutes is all it takes. Plus, every effort you make to empathize with your employee helps build your relationship with them and develops positive rapport.
2. Transform the problem.
Once you understand the problem, transform it into an opportunity for positive change. Emotional situations present opportunities for turning around a problem as employees often become emotional when they don't know how to solve problems on their own.
During these moments, managers can counsel employees, assist them in searching for solutions, help resolve conflicts, and refer them to help that they need - like employee assistance programs, coaching, and conflict skills/communication training.
3. Give them space.
Sometimes providing space for employees to deal with what's going on is effective in helping employees move beyond the situation in a constructive way, especially when extreme emotions or distress are in play. Maybe that space is a break in the work day, a day off, or loosening workload for a short period. Time heals most issues.
4. Keep their dignity.
Emotional employees, especially in cases of crying in the workplace, should have their dignity kept intact. Never make an employee feel bad about crying and discipline or punish them for it. Most employees are very embarrassed when they become emotional and managers should allow them to keep their self-respect.
It should be noted that there are situations when employees' emotions escalate to unmanageable levels, adversely affect other employees, and need a different approach - sometimes involving formal counselling, conflict resolution or mediation, and disciplinary action (in the case of excessive anger or harmful/abusive behaviour).
5. Reframe your messages.
Poorly chosen words and tones are often the source of negative emotions in an organization. Think through your message and tone (of emails, in-person communication, and phone conversations) before you communicate it and consider possible emotional responses that may emerge from it. Reframe messages in a positive way.
6. Stay connected and be caring.
Keep emotionally connected to your employees...ask questions to gauge how they are feeling in meetings and become attuned and sensitive to what makes them frustrated, sad, or angry. Encourage employees to act compassionately and in a caring way with one another throughout the workplace
Employees' emotions and pain challenge us to behave more compassionately when they are frustrated, sad, upset, or angry; become more caring leaders; help those in need at our own organizations; and be more mindful of how our day-to-day words and actions in the workplace affect others. In this way, emotional employees aren't problems...they are opportunities.
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